Did our daughter's bus driver cross the line? Or are we too sensitive?

[Rotoli Family]

Our daughter woke up with the Monday morning blues :( She is in the first grade and, after the first few weeks of school, she is getting back into the swing of things. Today, for the first time since school began, she had one of those crying and screaming walks to the bus stop.

My wife did her best to calm her down and reminded her about all the fun she would have at school. Nothing helped much. They arrived at the bus stop and shortly after that the bus arrived. That is when things began to get messy.

As the bus doors opened her bus driver, who has a reputation of being less then friendly, noticed my daughter's sad state. As my wife struggled to get my daughter up the stairs on the bus she continued to cry and was resisting a bit. The bus driver did not appreciate this delicate situation. She began by telling my daughter and wife, "Let's go, we need to get going, get on the bus!" My wife was a bit surprised by the drivers callus attitude. She continued, "We need to go, get on the bus" with a tone that you might expect a city bus driver to use with a drunk at 2 am.

By this time my wife had gotten my daughter a decent way up the bus stairs. At this point the bus driver GRABBED my daughter by her upper arm and moved her toward the bus seats. Without another word bus doors shut and they drove away...

Needless to say, my wife felt that the handling was inappropriate. So, I felt a call to the school might be in order. By about 8:15 am I was on the phone to her school. I was told that I should speak to the Assistant Principal, but that she was momentarily busy and would call me back shortly. I mentioned that I needed to speak with her about an altercation involving my daughter's bus driver. At 5:05 pm she finally returned my call! I can't believe that this woman is allowed to be an Assistant Principal. She came off, flaky, ditsy, and just not what I would expect from a School Administrator.

Regardless, I explained to her what happened. She responded "Well, if something happened I am sure the bus driver would have mentioned it." I was completely confused by this line of reasoning...if the bus driver did something inappropriate, you would simply expect that she would seek you out and let you know of her incompetence? Over all, the Assistant Principal seemed unimpressed by my concerns.


So, here goes: WHAT DO WE DO?

Do we take a chill pill and chalk it up to the fact that some people are not good with kids (but they decide to take jobs in which they will be working directly with kids?).

Or do we take in to the next level...and if so, what might that level be? Principal, higher?

Any of your thoughts and/or experience is greatly appreciated.


As a sub-point, this brings up one of the reasons that private school is appealing: If you are pissed and call the school, they know that they need to keep you happy or they could lose your "business." Public schools have the same attitude towards customer service as the DMV. It makes me feel like an awful parent for not providing private education...So if you really feel like offering all of your advice, do we fail as parents for subjecting our child to the broken system?

[D L]

I've read the original post and skimmed some of the answers.

I would say that a good child-care provider in any situation can guide a child into the bus or classroom and separate that child from the parent. I'm guessing that once the child realizes they can't get out of school or whatever, that they settle down and get on. I have seen this technique work in my son's classroom before.

Here's the "However". This is a technique that a good educator may use occasionally when the situation calls for it. From the description of the bus driver you provide, the decision to use this technique on your child is more out of frustration and not-knowing how to handle children than out of practicing some philosophy and choosing to use this particular tool from her toolbox because the situation called for it.

Either way, I would say that grabbing is completely inappropriate, while guiding would have been better. The way she spoke to your wife and child was completely out of line as well.

Go to (or call) the bus driver's boss and complain. Complain daily. And drive your child to school until the driver is replaced. If you really want to take a stand, wait until the bus arrives every day, the door opens, and you can see the driver. Look her in the eye and say "I think we'll just drive to school today." It sounds harsh, but once you've complained, you want to be careful about retribution. You would certainly not want the driver to start to pull away just as your child is sitting down (or earlier) and thus exposing your child to possible injury. I don't really know anything about this person, but something tells me that sort of thing might not be below her.

And, of course, I know this is much harder to do than it is for me to write. I just want to point out that you've got yet one more parent on your side who feels for you and is upset at your driver as well! Good luck.

[Ms Savvy Mom]

A word of advice about private schools if you have never attended or know anything about them. They are very strict about their rules. Hence the rebeliousness of private school girls. Not me, I was a saint:) They wouldn't allow bad behavior no matter how much you pay in tuition. If your child is disrespectful or breaks the rules you're out and back to public school you go. I have to admit it was quite some time ago since I attended but even back in the early 80's teachers were allowed to hit your child with a belt. I witnessed a girl not only get whipped by a nun but also humiliated in front of the whole class because of her behavior. To tell you the truth I don't think private schools even offers the option of taking the bus. This is a luxury(if you can call it that) of the public school system.

[Kristina]

I know it has been a while since your post, but I felt the need to share my view. By now i truly hope you took this to the school board. There is no reason the bus driver should have ever touched your daughter. Quit frankly i would not stop until he/she was fired! It is unacceptable, and we can not allow people who treat our children this way to be involved in a job where they are around kids every day. As someone mentioned, itmakes you wonder how he is when there are no adults around. The reason your daughter may have been crying in the first place was because she did not want to ride the bus. As for the asst. principal...I would make it known she did NOTHING to help and it took her the entire day to return your call. Yes it's a public school...but there is no reason for this not to have been taken care of. And you should NOT feel bad that you are not sending your child to private school. I taught five years in a private school and on my 3rd in public and my kids go to public!!! (for a reason) Private schools are not what they are cracked up to be! :)

[Zicea Becks]

While I don't like anyone grabbing my kids...your daughter was being whiny.

1st grade is big-girl time. my first grader doesn't bust out with the temper tantrums, and she knows i don't go for all of that. "mama loves you, but you gotta be a big girl and go to school now." dry the tears and head to the bus.

my kids don't ride the bus, but every bus-driver i ever know were not kid friendly.

they take the job because it's unionized with great dental. not because they like kids. that's just keeping it real.

Bus drivers, teachers, crossing guards, etc. they are the people who basically see our kids more than we do...they have short fuses, just like we do. not everyone is gonna pat your precious kid on the head.

now back to the bus incident....why didn't your wife do something right then and there??? So somebody grabs her kid and she's just like, "okaaaaayyyy"???!?!? WHAT?!

oh, so now since she didn't do anything, you guys want the whole school district to jump into some crazy yoga position and call you back the mili-second they get a break?

i don't like what the bus driver did, but come on....

[workin mom]

Why don't your kids ride the bus, I'm curious....

[Shelly]

I think in this case I would call the public school offices and file a Governor's complaint. The bus driver is not allowed by law to manhandle children. I feel for you I am also having problems with the school bus. Hope you get the answers you need and are looking for. Good luck.

[Toni Burley]

I have read all of your responses with great interest and I know it is a few weeks since your last comment. I have been a teacher in Australia for about 20 years so have some experience with these situations.
I feel that the bus driver should never be touching your child in this manner.
In this case, I would have also let the school know about this and record this information myself including the school's reaction. You talked with your friend about this and if she has a problem, she should also let the school know. Any such incidents should be reported to the school.
Sometimes, we sit back and don't do anything about these things. After a few complaints, the school should be discussing this attitude with the bus driver.
Communication is key. I have also been involved with bullying programs at our school. I always teach the students to report bullying to us. Bullies do not usually bully in front of parents or teachers. Teachers (or parents) cannot do anything about things they do not know about. This, to me, is a case of bullying too!
My advice is: report, report, report! If you do not get satisfaction after more similar incidents, go to a higher authority. Usually written complaints get higher priority!

[Tonya]

First of all it is NEVER okay for a bus driver to touch a child and I don't care what kind of day she has had. If she can't handle children then get a new job! I would take it all the way to the school board and if I wasn't satisfied with that then you seek legal action. Even if you daughter was being in her eyes a brat, doesn't matter. She is to transport your kids safely to school and if they aren't listening to the rules on the bus then she has the right to complain and possibly have a child removed (only if they are endangering others and causing a distraction to the bus driver). She was WAY out of line and I hope you followed through with the assault.

[skyep]

I'm with Alice on this one. I was reading the thread and couldn't believe the ridiculous replies you got to your posting at first. ABSOLUTELY 1000% go to the school board ASAP!! No one has the right put their hands on your child that way and there is NO excuse for the driver to have treated your daughter or you in that manner. I don't care what's going on with her at all. She is supposed to be driving young chlidren to school and bottom line, she needs to put her game face on when she is doing it as many people do regardless of her personal life or situations. She should not be working in this capacity w/ children. She obv needs some serious training. Pls don't listen to these other folk who say to take a chill. No way. Report the driver and incompetent AP. The principal upon hearing this should have been on it like you know what to flies. ALso no excuse. Go to all of their superiors. Good luck. Keep us posted!

[Michelle Arnott]

I am so sorry this happened to you guys! I am appauled at the bus driver's behavior. I would call the bus garage and speak to who ever is in charge there, instead of the principal. My best friend is a bus driver, and usually you want to contact the bus garage. Then immediately WRITE A LETTER, keep a copy, and send it certified mail to the principal expalining what happened that day then asking what measures they will be taking to ensure propper contact/behavior between your child, and the bus driver. I have three kids in school, and also have found the system to be less than okay, fight them and demand respect. Obviously if you don't treat your daughter like that it is NOT ok for a bus driver to. Maybe you could drive her if things don't work out the way you want. Goodluck