end to co-sleeping?

[isimom]

My daughter is 3 months old and my husband and i would love to have a little privacy for the first time since her birth. We started co-sleeping soon after coming home from the hospital and for the last week I've started trying to put her in her bassinet. But she's still waking up every 1-2 hours (more frequently than when we were all in bed together) and frankly we only get to successfully put her in the bassinet--and have her actually fall asleep there--1-2 times a night...the rest of the time I fall asleep with her in the bed after nursing. Any advice?

[Laura Hammons]

Fuck in the shower.

Swaddle her. I will send you my old one. I have two!!

Send me your address.

[M Baxter]

Cosleeping works for us. And we don't have a nine year old in bed with us. IME, most kids move out before four, pretty happily. My kids love bedtime and put themselves to bed when they feel tired, which I think is an excellent reason to be gentle about sleeping habits. It's a good thing to teach kids to notice how they feel and to love resting when they are tired- and for little ones, the security of knowing you are there can be very helpful for them.

There are other options for handling this situation. Seriously, your baby is waking you up several times a nurse, and you want to be awake more in the night for "privacy"?

It might be easier to schedule some "privacy" during the day. I personally get a lot more romantic time with my beloved when I get enough sleep, which for us means cosleeping, as that way I nurse and also sleep at night.

I also have issues with letting my baby cry. Extended periods of crying are not good for babies, IMO. I think it's normal for baby humans to want to sleep with their mommies. Most mammals parent this way.

That said, cosleeping doesn't work for everyone. If you are willing to let your baby cry, try to figure out when she's hungry and when she's "just whiny", and get out of your nice warm bed to feed the baby, then go for it. All sarcasm aside, some women really do sleep better with baby in another room. Me, I sleep better hearing baby breathe next to me and knowing she's okay.

But it's a big world and there's room for a lot of different ways to parent. Go with your gut; try to listen to what you and your baby need.

[Kathy]

I kept my daughter in our room until she was almost 6 months old. I put her in the bassinet beside our bed a few times or co-slept with her. I breastfed her the 1st year. I personally think it's a matter of preference as to what you feel your baby is ready for. I don't believe in letting a child cry it out though. We had a routine while I breastfed her in a rocking chair of reading to her, praying for her, and then turning on soothing music each night once she went into her own crib in her room. I think the routine worked out wonderful. I am sure based on the date of your post that you have found something that works great for you!!

Sincerely,

Kathy www.balterbaby.com

[beans_mama]

We had our daughter in a co-sleeper nest in the bed with us until she was about 3 months. Then we had her in a co-sleeper next to the bed for a couple of months just so that I could nurse and go right back to sleep. I looked so tired at the end of 5 months that I chose not to continue breast feeding. For us, feeding her formula had her sleep through the night (at least 6 hours) so that I could get a good night's sleep and not be a zombie all day.

She's nearly 3 years old and she still sleeps with us. As much as we'd like our privacy, we figure she's only going to be little for a short time and soon she'll decide to have her own bed. So we're cherishing this co-sleeping time while we can.

[Heidi Kolata]

Obviously this is a pretty sensitive subject. Personally, I think you have to do what works for YOU. My husband and I have done various things, but we are constantly adapting. Personally, my theory is that our babies won't be babies forever and certainly won't want to be in our beds forever. I love having a little warm body next to me throughout the night, I can reach over and know that he's safe (and still breathing - he's one yr old and I still check!). I'd love to get a little more sleep and I'm frustrated from time to time BUT this is a stage and babies grow so quickly! The middle of the night feedings can be challenging but they are also amazing...the whole house is dark & quiet and we're having this amazing connection - though sleep deprived, it's something I'll miss when it's gone! My personal recommendation would be to keep doing naps in the bassinet and start the night in the bassinet...this keeps her safe and gives you and your hubby some adult time :) But do whatever works for YOU not the rest of us!

[www.smilelaughordie.com]

i guess you have to figure out what you really want and what you are committed to do. it will take time for her to adjust as it will for you. swaddling, creating a schedule for naps and letting her learn to self soothe will be a part of the adjustment. children are flexible and learn easily, so make sure that you are both committed to a couple or more of sleepless nights to start make the new sleeping arrangements work.
good luck, it will all work out.
www.smilelaughordie.com

[Linda Johnson]

If co-sleeping is bad for us, then why do those of us with partners/spouses sleep with them.
If we need to "learn to sleep by ourselves" as babies and infants why is that not something that is maintained throughout our lifetime? Separate beds or bedrooms even when we are married/ partnered.

As an adult you may know the answer to that question, but your not yet verbal and reasoning baby only knows that she needs the companionship, warmth and love that come from being with her mom and/or parents.

Child developmental theory reminds us that at your baby's age she is learning a valuable skill set of learning to trust that her needs will be met. You are meeting some of those needs with breastfeeding, but she is waking more frequently at night because she needs just a tiny bit more from you to meet her needs.

We co-slept with all four of our children. They eventually leave your bed, but in between they learn to trust and to sleep better on their own because they are in your bed now. Most co-sleeping children never have night terrors and take great pride in sleeping in their own bed when they are ready.

[Alexandra Webster]

Have you read the book "Our babies ourselves?

[Jay Rodas]

To have a baby is a great responsibility. She needs to be taken care of most especially she's only 3 months old. Basically, you and your husband could hardly find a little privacy most especially during night times for some reason that your baby might cry boisterously. During this stage, I'll might say that this is so critical for she cannot assist herself yet and so I suggest that you need to strengthen your fuse on it, be patient. Real soon, as you go along you would discover that it would be more exciting and fun to have a baby daughter. ;)

[Ottawa Marketing]

when the baby sleeping, put pillows in her both sides and cover the pillows with your used clothes. she's looking for your smell and she wants you always on her side.

[Wing0125]

We asked quite a few people how to stop co-sleeping. We were surprised to hear that even at age 12, some of the kids were still sleeping with their parents!

We had started co-sleeping simply because of pure exhaustion. I went back to work less than a month after giving birth, and had to be functional during the day.

We had never gotten our son into a crib. By the time we managed to get the missing part for an expensive crib that we had purchased, it was far too late to put him in! We opted to take him out of our room, and put him in his own room, that we decorated just for him. We put a futon mattress on the floor, so there would be room for one of us. (might as well be more comfortable) After a time, we would leave for for longer periods of time, but check in to reassure him.

Finally, we opted to firmly set a limit to our son, first by getting his own big boy bed, which he loved. I was going to resort to putting Batman stickers on his bed if he wouldn't take to it. The "cry-it-out" method wasn't going to work for our son. He was still going strong after 3 hours.

He's needed reassurance that we aren't far away, but now, he knows where we are, and will come looking for us in the middle of the night. It means a lot of sleep-disturbed nights, but he's sleeping longer hours. He's still trying to convince us that we should sleep with us, but there really isn't enough room for an adult on his bed. There are some nights where he has the stranglehold deathgrip around our necks about 3 in the morning, but then once he's out, then he's okay.

The futon is still on the floor in his room, that he jumps onto from his bed, and he plays his toys on the mattress. (and is a convenient spot for us to crash out on if necessary - getting up once every 30 minutes or so plays havoc on anyone's system!)

If your child is having trouble falling asleep in the evening... try a nice long walk after dinner. A little fresh air and exercise seems to really help as well!

[Melissa Benson]

We co-slept for 6 months. She started out in a bassinet next to our bed but ended up in it. Once we decided to stop I found that my daughter woke up more after I put her in her crib in her room when she slept all the way through the night in our bed. We used the crying it out method most parenting books suggest and it was hard. The first time she cried for 15 minutes and I could hardly keep from going in there. I knew she was safe because we could see her on the video monitor. I noticed that right away it tapered off and was down to 10 minutes then 5 minutes, which is typical for her now. Not too surprising since my niece cried about bedtime until she was 7 or 8. She only wakes up once during a good night and is always happy when she wakes up in the morning. I admit to cheating if she is sick and letting her lay down with me. I know I probably shouldn't but she is my baby :)