How can we make this work? Erratic schedule, daycare, and breastfeeding.

[Katy]

I am a pregnant and busy grad student. Thankfully I'll have 2 months off with baby before I have to return to grad student life.

I'll breastfeed for those first 2 months, but as time passes, I realize that life may become very complicated if I want to breastfeed beyond that.

Starting at 2 months, I'll have to be back on campus again: 1.5 hours for TAing twice a week, 2 hours of office hours each week, 1.5 hours of sitting in on an undergrad class twice a week, 2 hours of meetings once a week, and on top of that there will be meetings that pop up here and there PLUS actually trying to do work. (Then when baby is 4 months the schedule will totally change again, and then again at 7 months...)

All of these different things will likely be spread out through 4 days of the week.

My partner has very flexible paternity leave and is happy to stay at home with the baby when I need to be on campus. This can't go on forever though. His office has in-house daycare which starts at 8 weeks, but they and we'd prefer that baby doesn't go until 3 months.

So these are the options that we see:

1. Husband comes to school with me and works in my office so that I can breastfeed between breaks (this is NOT fun for him or for my officemates though.)
2. I pump ALL the time at both home and school. (This is again not kind to my officemates - kicking them out of the office for 20-30 minutes at a time multiple times a day. I also worry about "situations" - if I need to proctor a 3-4 hour exam, what if I start leaking?)
3. We switch to formula after month 2. (Another perk - I can be a grad student again, drinking lots and lots of coffee and taking some meds which help me be a better student.)

I am leaning toward option 3 but there is so much guilt and cost associated with formula feeding. Am I being selfish about my own life/schedule/needs?

Examples of how other people made feeding schedules work would be great.

[Anselm's Mom]

Oh honey, I feel for you. First of all -- you have to do whatever's not going to make you crazy. If breastfeeding past month 2 means you're going to be miserable, then the baby will be miserable too. That's not selfish; it's practical.

That said, I'm a working mom who was skeptical about breastfeeding once I went back to work, but it's great so far. Based on my (limited) experience, here's what I'd advise about breastfeeding:

Your baby is little, so he doesn't need to eat THAT much, which means you probably don't need to pump "all the time." Pump every morning when your milk supply is high and freeze the milk you're not using that day. That will build up a supply that your partner can use while you're out (milk keeps for 3-4 months in the freezer and only takes ten minutes or so to defrost in those handy freezer bags.) Each pumping should give you enough for one to two feedings at first.

You'll want to pump every 3-5 hours when you're out because your breasts will start to get engorged. If you invest in a good pump then pumping will take 10-20 minutes per session, and with some practice you'll be able to relax and read a book while you do it. Lilypadz, those sticky silicon pads that put pressure on your nipples, are fantastic for preventing leaks. (You can use disposable pads like Lansinoh as a backup if you're really worried; they also work well.)

Pumps are expensive. I have the Medela Freestyle, which is really portable, light and powerful (meaning you can take it anywhere and pump in half the time) and it comes with everything you could possibly need, but it costs a bajillion dollars. So if you're only planning on pumping for a month, you may want to weigh the $300ish for a pump against the amount you'd otherwise spend on formula. It may not be worth the cost. On the other hand, if you think pumping might work for you in the longer-term, you'll save money and sanity by getting a fancy pump.

This Babble article might help you weigh the numbers: http://www.babble.com/content/articles/features/dispatches/tuttle/M...

Let us know what you decide!

[Cocoa]

In the UK we have long maternity leaves. So, I just wanted to say how much I admire you for the choices you're making and the solutions you're finding to deal with the juggle. Good luck, whatever option you decide.

[Kelly]

There are probably 20 other options besides 1, 2, and 3... none of which you'll figure out until the baby is here. :)

As a fellow grad student and a SERIOUS planner, I feel for you. I actually planned on going back to TA-ing a 13 hour clinical when the baby was 6 weeks old. Thank goodness, my advisor just laughed at me and told me I could make up the hours in the summer.

Having a flexible schedule is fantastic for you! You'll find ways to make it work... if you want to BF and give expressed milk, great. If you decide to give formula, then as a pp said - happy mama = happy baby.

I was lucky - my insurance covered a fancy breastpump that I can bring to work and school. If you only need to be out of the house for 3-4 hours, you won't need to bring it most likely. I made the mistake of scheduling office hours after a meeting - and at hour 4, I was so engorged I could cry. I wound up hand-expressing milk and throwing it out (no pump, no clean container). Awful. Next time, I brought a pump!

Do you have access to a private office where you can close the door? Or is there a "nice" faculty bathroom with a couch and outlet? You could also probably pump at the student health center if that's convenient. It really only takes 30 minutes or less. Co-workers and colleagues are usually supportive of a mom's need to pump.

Anyway - I was usually able to feed my DD for her 5am feeding and sometimes her 7-8 am feeding before leaving for the day. I nursed DD usually as soon as I got home (even if she just had a bottle, she was usually happy to get the boob) and for the rest of the evenong's feedings. I pumped once a day when I was at home all day to build up a reserve, and brought home the milk I pumped while away. We never ran out. My DW started giving "practice" bottles at home so DD could get used to it at around 6 weeks, and this was a huge help.

www.kellymom.com (no relation) is a GREAT resource.
Good luck!

Kelly

[Courtney Apgar]

I totally feel your pain. I gave birth about 2/3 of the way into my last semester of law school. I went back to class about 1.5 weeks after my son was born, then had about 2 weeks off between the end of law school and the start of Bar Exam prep classes, so I'm right where you're worried about being.

First, I'd like to join the others who have said that you need to do whatever works for you and your family. I was a formula fed baby, and I turned out just fine.

That said, I've been successfully breastfeeding Mack for almost 4 months now despite a busy school schedule, so it can be done. Mack's pediatrician didn't want us to introduce a bottle for at least the first 2 months, so I took my son with me to classes when I had short days, and on long days my husband (who is working on a PhD and also has a very flexible schedule) came to school with me and watched Mack while I was in class so I could breasfeed in between classes.

During finals, I studied at home while taking care of Mack, and my husband went with me for finals so I wouldn't have to miss a feeding.

Once Bar prep classes started, we had to introduce a bottle. I got a Medela Pump-In-Style pump, which has worked really well. Classes are 4 hours per day, 5 days per week, which ends up being more like a 5 hour stretch between dropping Mack off at my (fantastic) mother-in-law's and picking him up in the afternoon. I started out pumping during breaks in class, but the breaks were too short and there wasn't a good place to pump (public ladies rooms do not make for a relaxing pumping environment). After talking to my pediatrician's office, I started pumping at home after my last feeding before we left for Nana's house. That helped keep the pressure down in my breasts despite not pumping during the class.

I usually feed him one more time at Nana's, then give him another feeding as soon as I get back to pick him up in the afternoon. I bring the results of my morning pumping for him to eat while I'm gone, and then I pump once in the evening to build up stock for other times when I'm gone, or for days where class runs long. The rest of the afternoon I spend playing with Mack while he's awake and studying while he naps.

I know it sounds like a lot of work. Each step of this seemed totally overwhelming to me at first, and I was convinced that I couldn't do it, that it would never work. While it was hard at first, I got into the swing of things really quickly. I have great support at home, which it sounds like you will too, and that was really the key. My husband shares all of this with me as much as he can, including cleaning pump parts, cooking dinner, and staying home with Mack whenever my mother-in-law can't or my schedule gets wacky.

I did have to give up some things, like going out to lunch with friends after class and studying in coffee shops (with significantly fewer distractions and significantly more mochas), but it has been totally worth it. I cannot even explain how much I love the time I spend breastfeeding Mack.

I think the biggest thing to remember, though, especially in the beginning, is to cut yourself some slack. You will feel tired, and overwhelmed, and you will be really, really scared. Even just eating regularly and showering will seem impossible in the beginning, but it really is doable, and it really does get easier.

Hope this helps!

[Tamara]

You've already gotten a lot of great advice here. I would just add that breastfeeding doesn't have to be an all or nothing kind of thing, especially beyond those first two months, when you've established your milk supply. If you find you cannot pump enough while you are away, you can always supplement with formula. I know of a friend who cannot pump while she is at work three days a week. So she mainly formula feeds but still nurses for the morning feed and the evening feed, and really enjoys having those daily bonding sessions.

[Emily Hartman]

Since it's been over a month since you posted... hope you're doing well!

My goal was to breastfeed for a minimum of three months, hopefully six... as of tomorrow, it will be nine. I have a crazy work schedule, and have managed to work it out. I don't know how many times I've told my mom "I think I'm going to have to start formula, I don't think I can do this anymore..." but sure enough, haven't had to yet. In part because I wanted to make sure I justified that expensive pump :)

I'm not expert, but here are my thoughts:
1. Sure, it's sometimes inconvenient to me or my co-workers, but who cares, really? Baby's gotta eat!
2. 3-4 hours might seem like a long time, but you'll adjust quickly enough, and it's not really.
3. Nursing pads! No matter the cost, I think it's worth it.
4. The caffeine issue isn't that big of a deal to me... I'd already given it up for nine months, what's another year? A little caffeine isn't that big of deal. If you get decaf, so for something flavored otherwise it's super-bland.
5. And if it doesn't work out, they always say..."any amount of breastfeeding is better than none". I have told myself that over and over and over...

[Shelly Cunningham]

I know that in our society it is drilled into our heads that in order to be good mothers, we must breastfeed our children. But this is not always feasible. I gave birth to twins in June & my husband was working full time & attending college full time. The majority of our sons' care was in my hands. When feedings were taking upwards of an hour and a half, and occurring every three hours, I hardly had time to eat, let alone shower or tackle the loads of laundry that piled up.
After two weeks, I broke down. One baby would be crying while I fed the other, and the pumping took me as long as feeding the other baby. It was ridiculous.
I decided for my sanity, and for the sake of my children, that I would let myself off the hook and formula feed. That's not to say I didn't shed a few tears... I did. And I still occasionally feel guilty. But then I look at their growth chart (which is great!) and see that formula is doing the job just fine.
I am a happier, more relaxed mom, and (bonus*) other people can take the boys off my hands from time to time and give me a break.
So if it doesn't work for you to breastfeed, my advice is to give yourself permission to do what works for you.
Good luck!

[Stephanie]

My best advice is don't feel like you need to make this decision now. If you really want to breastfeed then try it and see how it goes. If things end up being too crazy with pumping and your school schedule then do whatever is best for you and your baby. Formula fed babies also turn out fine =), so try not to feel guilty if that is your decision. I also felt tremendous pressure to breastfeed (although mainly from myself) and had a lot of trouble with it in the first few weeks, eventually resorting to some formula supplements to give myself some time to heal. The baby took it fine and although i had worked it up in my head as some horrible thing i was doing to him, everything turned out great haha. It gave me some breaks from the neverending feedings and made me a lot more sane. I continued to pump what I could without going crazy and tried to breastfeed at least once a day to keep up supply and make sure he still knew how. So there is the option of breastfeeding mornings and evenings and formula feeding during the day. I actually introduced the bottle with my son at week 2 and it wasn't a problem for us. I ended up breastfeeding him full time until 12 months after we got the hang of things. So anyway, my point is, don't limit youself... see what happens and do what is best for you and your family.

[jamie]

When my son was born (6 weeks early) I was in my fourth year of nursing school. Since he was early the doctors really stressed breast-feeding for the first year. I was very concerned about the feasibility of pumping in the middle of a busy clinical rotation and class schedule. What I found, though, was that the people around me were more than happy to accommodate my need to pump or have a place to nurse my son. In fact, I found that when I was in a really boring class, pumping was the perfect excuse to duck out for a break! And I did find that if I was caring for a critical patient, waiting another hour or two to pump was usually not a big deal. I also used my son's feeding schedule as a gauge of when to take a break from studying. Plus, in the middle of the night I could catch a little more sleep by not having to get up to make bottles; just reaching over and feeding. I don't know if this helps or not, but what I thought would be very stressful in the ended worked to my advantage and I would not trade that bonding time and the benefits to my child for the world. I hope this helps, although I know that what worked for me will not be the right choice for every mom. And if you choose to feed formula, know that you are making an informed choice that you have not taken lightly in order to make a better life for you son or daughter in the future.

[Jennifer]

You've gotten plenty of good advice already - but I just wanted to add that I started an intense master's program when my son was 10 weeks old (which meant me selling my home and moving multiple households 2,000 miles across the country just after his birth) ... (and breastfeeding was the worst pain I've ever experienced) but once we got through all that, it worked out just fine. I breastfed him for 15 months. In fact, for me, using formula would have been far more stressful and complicated than breastfeeding. It made the baby happy, it was faster and easier and cheaper, and I lost all the weight pronto.

I have small breasts and healthy supply so I needed to pump every 2-3 hours in the first 6 months. I could get 2-4 oz. from each breast per pumping session. According to Kelly Mom (http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/milkcalc.html) babies generally consume 19-30 oz per day. So that just gives you a sense of how much pumping you might actually do. (Another good one on typical pumping output - http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/pumping_decrease.html) I'm also unusual in that I actually used a manual pump since I didn't really have a good place to sit and pump so I pumped a lot just standing around in bathroom stalls. I know, not very nice. But I often would have only 10 minutes to pump and I had to do it fast. No time to go set up somewhere. Especially if I had to do air travel.

Anyhow, just wanted to share that. Kelly Mom is a great breastfeeding resource. Mothering also has a Working and Student moms discussion board which may have good pumping info/tips.

Good luck!

(p.s. another pumping tip, especially if you have a hand pump, if you feed the babe on one breast and pump the other you can get quite a bit out since the let down is much better than pump alone. helps to build up supply)

[Stacey Bare]

I know eactly how you even though I am no longer in school. I have a 7 year old that has ADHD and Autism. As well as I have a set of twins that are 9 months old and I am 3 months pregnant. I used to constantly worry about how am I going to keep up with my kids with a new one on the way and be to provide milk for the new one when it gets here at the end of May. The first thing you need to do is relax. Stress is one of the main causes of milk production slowing down. Second if you have the right pump everything should go smoothly literally. If I suggest to you a new hospital grade pump that Medela has now called the Medela Freestyle. This pump is meant for people as yourself that can utilize using both hands and not holding onto a pump. Also Medela an excellent selection of bras that make it easier at pumping at school and at your clinicals. Medela also has a two types of nursing pads disposable and washable. For your busy schedule the disposable would more than likely be the best. Medela has a breast shield called Therashell that would be best for sore nipples. You can find all of these products at www.medela.com. A one stop shop for all your nursing needs or at least it was for me.
Stacey- Medela Mom Maven

[M Baxter]

One of the things you should consider as you make your plans is that breastfeeding is not the same job throughout the whole year of infancy. The first six or eight weeks is kind of scary, baby nurses ALL. THE. TIME. And you think, I can't possibly do this and anything else...

But it doesn't stay like that.

Older babies develop different schedules and needs and are surprisingly adaptable. And nursing (or pumping) as other people said, doesn't have to be an all-or-none deal.

Some babies switch their nursing schedules around so they can nurse straight from the tap. These babies want to nurse all night when you are home. If you can handle cosleeping, that may work for you.

There are a lot of different ways to make it work. Kellymom is a great resource, the Dr. Sears website is helpful, you can also get some advice from people at Breastfeeding.com.

My husband used to bring my six month old baby to me at lunchtime so I could nurse him. That boy refused formula; all he wanted was milk. But he was perfectly happy to just have milk at lunchtime and snack on some other things through the rest of the day.

I'm only seeing eight and a half hours of scheduled stuff listed for you, plus assorted study time. That is actually very do-able. You might be surprised.

You will leak now and then. It's not a big deal. When you run out of pads, grab some paper towels. They work fine and are cheap.

Congratulations!