Am I a bad Mom???

[Kristi Lee Doyle]

Well, here is the deal. My husband and I were finally able to have a baby and we are in our late 30's (getting close to 40). It was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives and it is turning into a disaster. Our daughter will be 2 in December and we have done nothing but fight since the day we brought her home. Because of his job at the time, he was not home for the first 3 months of her life, was home for one week and then got a new job and went on the opposite shift as me. I have some deep resentment for having to raise my daughter as if I'm a single parent. I also can no longer relax at all. The responsibility of raising her by myself is overwhelming and I never seem to be able to take a deep breath and really laugh, have fun or relax. I am always on edge and just one moment from having my own toddler style melt down at all times! She sees me like this and I can see her becoming nervous like myself. I want to stop but don't know how. Yes, I am being treated for what started as post-partum depression and anxiety and am receiving counseling- but nothing has really helped. Does anyone have any ideas or similar experiences that might help me? I feel like a bad mom because I can't laugh, smile and have a good time with her. Please help!

[Healthy Mom]

I spent the first 8 years with my husband working all the time. I was home 24/7 with the kids. stop eveything you are doing. Seriously and lay on the floor. Let your kid climb on you jump on you. The house will still be there later. Take a bubble bath or something for you. The laundry wont go somewhere else to get washed. It is so hard when it is just you. But look at it this way you don't have to listen to anyone else's opinion it's the mommy show. Your husband has to work. But make him feel good when he get home. Men are simple creatures if he starts feeling wanted by you and feels good about providing for you all of a sudden he will feel good about supporting you as well. Cook him a good meal and tell him how you appreciate how hard he works. I know this is about helping you. But when men feel loved they are less likely to argue with us. Dr Laura has great books to help you with this. I have been with my husband a long time. When he feels loved, I do more things right in his eyes and then I feel more successful. We all want our spouses approval. But really stop everything and just play with your kid. I spend 30 mins tidying the house. One day a week do a project on the house. one load of laundry a day.In a way give your self a work schedule while you are home. So that you are not overwhelmed by the never ending things that have to be done. Play, make animal noises, crawl on the floor before you know it you will be laughing and once you start it get easier and easier. my heart goes out to you. We all have times when our plate is so full. best of luck by the having a full plate does not make you a bad mom.
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[renne liking]

Hi my son is 4 months old for the first 6 weeks i was so depressed and all i did was cried. I t got better when i started to pray and be thankful to have my baby. Also if there are problems in the relationship before the baby no matter what it is big or small it is not going to get better when they are here. You are a wonderful mom first for making the decision to bring your angel into this world and we moms make many sacrifices to take care of them and grow them in the right manner. I will keep you in my prayers even if you dont believe in God you can pray and he will hear you and give you back your happiness and joy. Also try to keep busy so you dont get depressed read with her or watch a favorite show together even if its a few minutes. T he things I remember the most of growing up were the small things my mom did for me, just show her love no matter what and I promise things will get better

[M Baxter]

You sound really unhappy. What a tough situation.

Are you working, too? Or are you home all the time?

My husband had to take an out of town job not long after we got our oldest two children, and I was pregnant. The stress of being a single mom is amazing. But some people do it, and manage happy lives, too.

I'm glad you're getting treatment for PPD. There are some other things that may help relieve your anxiety and feel better. Exercise in sunlight makes many people feel better- that can be as simple as a walk with your little one in a stroller, every day. (For all I know, you're a triathlete and don't need this suggestion, but I'm desperately trying to be helpful, here.)

The responsibility for a child is huge and overwhelming. And I hear how unhappy you are that your husband can't share the load with you.

Can you make a short list of things your husband could do to make you feel loved and relieve some of the burden?

For me, I started feeling better when I decided that I would do something to move my life forward. I took an online class at the local community college, which was enough to make me feel like I was getting somewhere. (Again, for all I know, you've already got a PhD. For you, this could mean something else entirely.)

I stopped watching dramatic TV shows. We all watch TV to relax, but I found that once I cut the drama out of my day, I was much more peaceful. Take that for what it's worth.

Also, I find that having older kids is more relaxing in a way than a baby. A toddler, a two year old- you have to watch her all the time. Eventually, though, she will become a kid who can make herself a peanut butter sandwich or wait politely to ask a question. It really can get easier.

Really.

[Alexandra Webster]

Sorry to hear you're in that situation. I am not an expert, but I can understand your resentment, if you don't get much help from your husband. Without his help it would be more difficult to overcome all those feelings. What are his thoughts? maybe he needs to re-think his priorities. How is he feeling? is he listening to your concerns? I think your depression is intimate related to his absences.