Circumdecision

I am seeking suggestions, advice, support. My husband and I vehemently disagree on whether or not to circumcise our son, due late october (a few months from now). He is for it, and I am against. Both of us quite passionately. I am feeling very stressed about us not being able to agree, and time is running out. Any assistance, suggestions, personal experiences - pro or con - would be helpful.
Many thanks.

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Permalink Reply by The Peveteaux-Goldmans on July 20, 2009 at 10:36am: Hey Laura,

We had a huge discussion about this in a forum right here - http://babble.ning.com/forum/topics/a-little-survey-circumcision

with lots of differing opinions. You can scroll through and see what's being said on both sides.

My husband and I also disagreed about circumcision and didn't come to an agreement until a few weeks before my son was born. Here's how we came to our decision - He was pro, I was con. I asked him to do research and show me why he thought it was a good idea when I didn't see any reason to do it. (I also told him if he didn't give me a good argument by the time our son was born he wasn't getting circ'd). That didn't really work because in the end it came down to his argument of personal and family history vs. my argument of "no medical need." We were at a standstill and then a friend who had been in the same situation told me that her OB/GYN gave her this advice - "Let the father decide and don't look back." So I did. Our baby didn't even cry when it was done and we had no medical issues.

I lost the argument, but honestly, at this point it really doesn't matter. But I feel your pain, it was a long stressful argument where there was no middle ground. I'd rather not have had it done, but our baby is happy and healthy and none the wiser.

Good luck, this is a tough one.

April; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Julia on August 3, 2009 at 9:27pm: I'm sorry but 'let the father decide and never look back' is horrible advice. For something as serious as circumcision there should this method of choice would not be OK with me.

Really it should not be the parent's choice, but should be the child's choice. So if when the child comes of age (13) and wants to be circumcised, support them in that decision.

Essentially circumcision is genital mutilation, it should be treated no differently than female circumcision.

This link will show you what the circumcision process looks like in a normal routine circumcision. Have your husband look at it and decide if he still thinks it is OK.

http://www.cirp.org/library/procedure/plastibell/; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by laura on August 4, 2009 at 5:50pm: Julia - thanks for the comments and perspective. I agree with you, and feel very strongly that this isn't our choice to make for our son. I also agree that it is mutilation, and this whole thing is breaking my heart.

Does anyone know if "consent forms" need to be signed in order to get this procedure done? (We live in Canada). If not, I'd be shocked - and if so, it could come down to me simply not signing. A ridiculous solution, but if it's all I've got...

Thanks again. I will have my husband watch the video.

Laura.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by M Baxter on August 5, 2009 at 1:23pm: Weelllll...

My husband and I had this argument when we were expecting our first birth child. He didn't even think about it, circumcision is just what you do.

But we talked about it (our local hospital is kind of anti-circ, they'll do it, but they don't want to). And in the end, I told him that if he wanted to have the baby circ'd, he had to take the baby in and hold him while they did the procedure. If you can't stand to be there and watch, then no optional cosmetic procedure for the baby.

That was it for my husband. No circumcision.

We did agree that if the boys want to be circed when they are older, we'll support that.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Leanne Ferree on August 13, 2009 at 4:04pm: why continue a disgusting tradition of unnessecary mutilation. i know men who have the natural thing and they dont seem to have any problems with it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ty Joslyn on August 13, 2009 at 11:02pm: We had girls, but before we knew, my wife and I went around around, both of changing our minds..Were even Jewish and I was just really torn over the idea. I am glad that I didn't have to make the decision...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by dygtarae on September 29, 2009 at 3:47am: Very funny baby...
flexpet; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by laura on October 3, 2009 at 12:59am: Update - baby boy came 5 weeks early. He is 5 days old now (doing great) and is 'intact'. And best of all, it seems that this is how he will remain.

I am unsure whether I "convinced" my husband of anything, or simply wore him down, and usually - for the sake of relationship maintenance purposes :) - I would care. But in this case, I don't. My son remains intact, and that is good enough for me, regardless of how the decision was arrived at. My husband has capitulated, and, bless him, doesn't seem at all resentful, regretful, etc. I think it just took him some time to digest and to really consider the rationale behind the procedure. (Pray there are no foreskin-related complications for baby boy down the road, or the "i-told-you-so's" could be deafening. :))

Thanks to all of you for your suggestions and support. Your contributions helped, and are very much appreciated.

Now if only we can decide on a name...

Cheers,
Laura.; ▶ Reply to This