new mom wants advice

[frankie]

hi there, i'm a new mom with a 10 week old girl. i'm freaked out about her crying and don't know what normal baby crying is. my husband says our baby cries very little but she cries periodically throughout the day - sometimes for 15-20 minutes, other times only a minute or so.... but i get so stressed out that i have fear now of being alone with her. often i'm worried that she MAY cry soon even when she's not. is this normal? does anyone else have these fears? the worst is when i can't figure out why she's crying. does this get easier??

any help/advice would be very welcome! many thanks, new mom

[carrie e dendtler]

IHi there,
I just wanted to encourage you! It can be a hard adjustment to being a mother, and babies do cry, which can be distressing. Actually crying is supposed to be distressing, and it is wonderful that you want to help your baby; that is what a cry is about!

wrote a post about crying on my blog here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/19/when-babies-cry-and-wh...

Crying truly is your child telling you something, giving you a signal of what they need. Crying peaks in the second month. If you are breasfeeding, I would suggest trying to breastfeed first, becasue breastfeeding takes the guess work out of crying and solves pretty much everything but a dirty diaper at that early age. You may have to go through a sort of mental checklist if you are not breastfeeding and see if your baby is hungry, needs a diaper change, is too hot, too cold, is there a tag or something going on with the clothes. Sometimes walking or rocking a baby while you sing is calming to a baby, or just being held. Most anthropological studies of infants in other countries point out that babies who are held more cry less.

The other thing I would add is that it is very important to meet other mothers with babies the same age. You could try La Leche League or Attachment Parenting meetings to do this; as your baby grows it is very important to know and understand what is normal behavior for that age. Your baby really needs you to feel secure so she can relax and part of parenting is being matter of fact and peaceful when your child is falling apart. This really does take time to grow into this role,and is not always easy - ask the mother of any preschooler at times! - and understand normal development will be key.

Hope that helps you,
Carrie

[Lullaby Luna]

How much sleep is she getting? At night? And at nap time? When are you feeding? Do you swaddle? Use a paci? Have a sleep routine? What is her sleep environment like? Sleep is very important- and often not enough sleep is the reason for excess crying.

You can read more at my blog LullabyLuna and/or contact me for more information.

Courtney, mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer LullabyLuna

[Caitlyn Taphorn]

Hi there! Try not to stress out too much (I know it's hard). Babies usually cry quite a bit for the first few months but it gets a lot easier. I think the turning point with my son was around 4 months, so you are getting close. It's going to get eaiser and a whole lot more fun very soon. The best thing you can do is take a break from her. Go get your nails done, get a glass of wine with a friend, do whatever. But you NEED a break! Also, if she is crying and you feel like you can't handle it anymore, put her down in another room, close the door and turn on some music for 5-10 minutes until you cool off. She's crying anyway and it's better than accidentally hurting her.

Tips:
1. Bounce her on a yoga ball. It worked with both my kids and a lot of my friends babies too (even better than a rocking chair) I SWEAR by this!
2. Try to start getting her on a schedule (no cry sleep / nap solution are great books) Babies are a lot fussier when they don't get enough sleep.
3. Get out of the house without her. You will be re-energized and better able to love her.

Good Luck!

[Kathy]

It seems like you have gotten quite a few great tips. The only things I would add are:
Is your baby's check-ups at the pediatrician going well? No allergies, or rashes or anything like that?
Are you getting proper nutrition? It is VERY important to take good care of yourself right now too. I know this is really hard but worth it.
Do you pick your baby up when she cries? Usually a cry means something....either she wants to be changed, she is hungry, she feels frightened, etc. You won't spoil her by letting her know you are there when she cries.
Have you been able to get into a routine?
I hope this helps.

Kathy
www.balterbaby.com

[Carly Carmichael]

Hi new mom and first off...congratulations...God's miracle for certain, and as much as sometimes it seems impossible to get through...you'll make it! :-) The amount of sleep or lack of is UNBELIEVABLE and only new moms can do it! I remember about the 5-6 week time period feeling like I was going to collapse from exhaustion and overall change of lifestyle, yet at the same time was more in love and happy than ever! My mother in law saved me by taking 'night duty' for 1 night so I could sleep...wow, was I a new woman/mom!

The worry of a mother is indescribeable and I used to sleep in daily and through anything. Now(with a 3 and 5 year old) as my husband is in deep sleep, I wake to the sound of a pin dropping; a child's cough, a night tremor or any slight noise from my two boys' rooms. Your tension and anxiety of her crying even when she's not will pass. It's such a huge adjustment stage, I promise it will subside. It's hard to believe but you second child will make you giggle at the stress and worry the first provides you!

I remember calling the free nurse hotline twice the very first night we were home asking silly questions. Of course when I left the hospital I thought was good to go, but getting home's a different story. I know you are past that, but my point is that it's all a stage She'll get through her crying stage and you'll feel much more comfortable as you move forward. Do take care of yourself and remember...this is her first time too! She only knows you and you are learning together.

Congratulations again and enjoy your little girl!

Carly

[haveesh]

first check whether she is getting enough feeding,or diapher change or sometimes might be she guesses that u will be around her if she crys,check all the things that is she fed and diapher is not wet still she is crying leave3 her for sometime
she must understand that only if she crys there is a need only u will attend

[M Baxter]

I can't agree with this approach. If baby is crying, she has a need, whether you know what it is or not, whether you agree or not.

Babies don't try to manipulate their parents so that they can be king of the world. They just cry because they are unhappy. It isn't spoiling a baby to pick her up when she cries.

They learn to be reasonable as they get older and are able to reason.

When you get to a fussy afternoon or early evening, try putting baby in a sling and walking around.

Come back and ask for more help if you are losing your mind with a crying baby. Lots of people will have ideas for things to try.

[Rachel Inch]

It TOTALLY gets easier. My first had colic and I had NO IDEA what I was doing. I know exactly how you feel about waiting for the next cry...I cried when my husband left the house! I muddled my way through and realized that by 5 months she was so calm and happy that I had to check to see if it was the same baby! You start to be more in sync with your baby the longer you are with them. I found with my subsequent baby, that putting him into a sling/ carrier really calms him down. He sleeps well and is very quiet, partially due to his temperment, partially due to the sling and being close to Mom. Good luck, you are doing an amazing job!

[Jay Rodas]

For me, if the baby is crying she must be taken care of. She'll might needs something perhaps hungry, thirsty, or her tummy is aching or upset etc., and so they need an assistance coming from you. Since you are a new mom, the best thing that you can do is to strengthen your fuse on it, be patient more. Real soon, you will use to it and you'll see as you go along with your baby it would be more exciting and fun. ;)

[Brettney Perr]

Hi Frankie! I just want to say that you a being a great mother, and what you are feeling and experiencing is entirely normal. Unfortunately crying, as stress and anxiety inducing as it is, currently is the only way your baby can effectively communicate at the moment. However, once her ability to communicate broadens you will soon see her smiling up at you which melts away the anxieties and makes the crying bearable. People say they can differentiate their baby's cries right off, but I couldn't until she was around 4 months old, so when she cries feed her if that doesn't work then seek the advice that others have already posted.
You're a great mom for being concerned for your precious little girl so keep up the good work!