Parents and children

[Brann Laios]

What is the ideal relationship between parents and children? This relationship should be more severe, parents imposing their terms automatically, or should it be a friendship? In the latter case, if the child benefit from parents' indulgence and do something stupid? I know that the situation varies from case to case, but I speak in general. My wife and I get ready to be parents, by adoption, for the first time, and therefore we want more opinions. So, what do you think?

[Andy Smithson]

A parent must be a friend, but a true friend, not just the playground type that makes them feel warm fuzzies all the time. I believe that a positive, loving relationship is foremost in a parent / child relationship. People always say, "they won't care how much you know until they know how much you care." I believe that to be true. The overall climate of interaction between parent and children should be one of trust and genuine interest for each other and their lives. I've written a whole series of blog posts based on this issue at www.betterparentsstrongerkids.com You can ignore the ones about the contest. It has come and gone but the 13 things listed are great ways to initiate and maintain great relationships with our kids.

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that we should be over indulgent or passive with our kids, simply that it is important to deliver discipline in a loving way and when we are not having to correct our children, being hyper vigilant about being positive and building strong positive ties with them. I hope these things are helpful to you.

Andy Smithson
www.betterparentsstrongerkids.com

[www.smilelaughordie.com]

i think parents should be parents, by that i mean able to establish routines and expectations clearly while being able to have conversations and some flexibility. the idea of starting off friends creates many gray areas that create discipline issues. being a parents in no way means that you have to be severe but it does require both you and your wife to agree on certain ground rules so as to be able to guide and nurture your growing child within boundaries that are comfortable for both of you. this frees you up to enjoy your child's development in many other ways. i recommend blessings of a skinned knee and easy to love, difficult to discipline if you are looking for some books.
congratulations and best wishes on your growing family!

[M Baxter]

We see ourselves as leaders. Sometimes, our role becomes more like that of drill sergeants- we are preparing our kids to succeed in a challenging world.

But most of all, we want to model for our kids the life skills they will need. We want to be worthy of their trust. We want to show them our values in action.

IMO, friendship is a very different relationship. Parenthood is a deep, life altering, wonderfully joyful, challenging, sometimes frustrating, role. But it is so much bigger than friendship. You don't awake in the night worrying whether you are doing your best for your friends. You may find yourself in the middle of the night hoping that you are doing right by your kids.

Congratulations as you prepare for your adoption. Our oldest two kids are adopted, and I remember well the waiting period. If I had any advice to give you, it would be, go get a book on developmental child psychology. Learn what is appropriate and possible behavior and judgment for various ages. We spent wayyyy too much time struggling to teach our kids "discipline" which they just weren't ready for.

Now, with our fourth child, we are pretty confident about what behaviors to ask for, which to ignore, which to help a kid find a way to control. But you will get a lot of advice from people about child discipline.

Children are going to do stupid things. Your reaction will teach them so much about themselves. I think the best reactions come from a place where the underlying message is, "It's going to be okay, because you are going to grow up and control yourself, and learn how to make good decisions, and I will help you do that." A confident place.

Don't be afraid to apologize to your children. Show them how to make mistakes well, with grace.

Good luck, and enjoy!

[Healthy Mom]

I firmly believe that we should be their Parents not their friend we can be their friend when they are grown up..If you do your job right they will want to be your friend when they are adults. It is our job to instill morals and values. So many parents are friends and not parents and these are the ones that my kids are telling me are doing terrible things behind their parents back because they don't respect their parents. As these kids are getting older they do what they want and not what they think is right. Some of these kids now in their teens hate that fact that their parents want to be their friends. One girl told me "she wished she had a mom like me that loved her and was her mom.. Telling her what was expected because she has lots of friends" But she needs a mom.

I am not saying that you should not show your love. You should show them love every minute of everyday. They should know that just because they got in trouble, you still love them and that their are consequences for the behavior.

We are positive parents but sometimes kids need to be told the hard truth.. this is unacceptable it is a tough world out there and in order to survive and be successful you need to be prepared not always told everything in a positive light. So many of these teens and young twenties kids think they are just entitled and go around winning when they are not told how glorious they are. When in reality most of them do sub standard work and many employers are not even interested in hiring this generation any more.

Parents need to be parents and prepare their children for hard work because the way this world is changing it is going to be harder for them than it was for us.

I have parenting tips that can help you without being harsh but instill values and work ethic in your kids under Manners/Tips at Http://junkfoodkids.com

[Jay Rodas]

In my own standpoint, the ideal relationship between parents and children should be like a best of friends. On this way, children can easily console with their parents and same thing, parents can easily communicate with their children as well most especially during downfalls. In every relationship, I guess, you can impose terms, inhibitions etc., which only means that you are truly concerned with one another and you truly love that person/s.