Ramping up for potty training

[Eibhleann's Mommy]

My daughter is 18-months-old and showing signs that she is getting really sick of being diapered. I've tried putting her on the toilet, but it seems to scare her. I know I've seen suggestions on here before, but I can't seem to find them at the moment...I'm looking for suggestions for books I should read, books she should read, stuff I need to buy. Are the small separate toilets more useful than the training seats you put on the regular toilet? Are they a pain to clean out? Any help/advice at all would be greatly appreciated! I'm a little stressed about this milestone for some reason.

[Zicea Becks]

i never bought books on that stuff, so i can't help you there.

but the good news is that 5 of 6 of my kids know how to go to the potty all by themselves!!!

Slater (now 2.5) started wanting to go to the potty at you daughter's age.

I just got her one of those potties with a smiling sunflower on it (that's the one she pointed to in the store) and sat her on it every time i went to the bath room.

she's almost 3 now and she goes tink-tink-tink when sitting on it, but she won't sit on a toilet with the trainer seat....her sister (Penelope-7) came in once and flushed the toilet while she was on it and she FREAKED the heck OUT! so now, she won't let you stand too close to the toilet while she's on it.


and don't be stressed. girls are easier to train than boys.

and you wanna talk about pain? when they want to do it by themselves, but don't wipe their butts that good. it's not the same as changing a diaper, TRUST ME!

[Eibhleann's Mommy]

Thanks for the advice! Everything I've read seems consistent in the fact that this is a very inconsistent hurdle for kids. I'll just keep asking her if she wants to use the toilet and maybe one day she will! I'll definitely look into at least a smaller seat for her. That will probably help. Thanks, again!

[hambutt]

hi- I'm hardly an expert (no more/no less than any of us are), but I just went through this with my daughter Camille. I highly recommend the book "Potty Training in One Week" by Gina Ford- a simple read but very practical advice and it worked! Sure, I had the baby potty around for months and would 1/2 heartedly attempt to train her, sitting her on the toilet, putting her in proper panties (no diapers) or pull ups, letting her watch me go, etc.. but it wasn't until I finally committed to the idea of training her (and she was clearly ready) that we could make it happen. It was definitely one of the harder milestones - a very intense week- but that's all it took. The key is to allow yourself the time to intensely do it- we seldom went out of the house at all for the first few days. I spent (literally) hours with her just sitting on the toilet, reading, singing, even letting her watch my video ipod (Thomas the train, to be sure)! rewarded her a lot too with stickers, simple treats, bravos, and definitely didn't get upset if she had accidents.

Also, 18 months sounds a little young, but not unheard of, just don't put undo pressure on yourself or her if it doesn't happen right away. Good luck!!

[Janelle]

I got a small potty chair from a neighbor and began sitting my daughter on it while I used the bathroom or drew her bath at 12 months. Then one day, I took her diaper off, and she went! Now, if she seems in the right mood, we'll take her in there before diaper changes and sit her on the potty. If she goes, she gets a small treat, if not, no biggie. It's worked well as there is no pressure to only go in the potty, but it's reduced the frequency of diaper changes, and sometimes I'll find that she hasn't gone in her diaper at all between sits on the potty, so 18 months is defininately not too young to start. It may be too young to eliminate diapers all together though. I definately think her own chair is less intimidating. A trip to any book store or big-box store and you can find potty books for the tot, though I don't know of any for adults. Good Luck!

[Emily Geizer]

I was intrigued by the conversation here and have been asked this same question by other parents recently, so I posted an article on my site: www.childperspective.com

First let me just say that while every child, family, and situation is different, there are some basic developmental stages and approaches to potty training that are backed by research.

Research and global trends indicate that children (both boys and girls) should be ready to participate in potty training at around 18 months. By the time children (both boys and girls) are 12 months old, reflex sphincter control can be elicited and the myelination of the neurons necessary to ready the body to control the bowels and bladder is completed. This myelin acts as an insulator (kind of like wrapping electrical tape around a live wire), and makes the neuron send the message more quickly. This keeps it from getting confused with impulses from neighboring neurons. What does this mean? The child is now able to feel the impulse to control her bodily functions and needs to learn to execute that control.

Hence, the child is in her toilet training zing sometime between 12-24 months. Look for the signs. Your child’s zing may be indicated in an obvious or subtle way. Remember, these zing moments are temporary and if missed becomes remedial teachings. Developing new skills is most effective when in the zing, not after the fact when teaching takes much more work, backtracking, and sometimes even force. Like other areas of child development, the child is often there and ready (in their zing) before the parent is aware or ready.

This is where the adult’s keen awareness, positive support, and matter-of-fact attitude come into play. Family psychologist, Dr. John Rosemond, often warns that parents approach toilet training with great trepidation, insecurity, and anxiety, thus elevating the likelihood that they will not clearly communicate their expectations to their children. This sets the stage for lots of frustration on the part of all concerned and greatly increasing the chance of failure.

So, how do we prepare the environment to facilitate successful toilet training? To find these tips, check out the toilet training post.

Emily

[Sabrina]

I have a question about the "zing". My daughter will be 18 months next week and we've already bought her a potty. She has, in previous months, gone through periods of both telling us when she's pooped and wanted to sit on the potty. At both times, my husband and I have praised her and taken appropriate action (changed the diaper, let her sit on the potty, etc.). She knows when we go potty what it means and like the idea. Recently, however, she has stopped wanting to sit on the potty (though still likes to comment when my husband and I go) and no longer tells us when she's poopy. So, I don't want to force her to sit on the potty anymore (she never actually has gone in it, but would sit on it with no diaper on and make the "shhhhh" potty sound), but I don't know if that was her "zing" or if there is some other sign that I should be looking for.

Thanks!

~Sabrina

[Emily Geizer]

I do think she was showing you her early signs of potty Zing previously. If you are interested in really buckling down and beginning the process (i.e. you can make time for it in your life), then talk up the potty in an encouraging and supportive manner. Be confident and assure your daughter that you know she can do it. If you empower her that way, she will feel empowered. Remember, you set the tone. Enjoy!
www.childperspective.com

[Alicia Wikstrom]

This is a hot topic issue for sure! My 7 and 5 year old girls both were completely potty trained at about 3. I know of other moms who will insist that their kids are trained at 18-24 months, but then I would see them asking/telling their children that they needed to use the potty, and searching for clean clothes after "accidents". Between my two girls, I probably only had to find dry clothes 3-5 times, and NEVER had to ask/tell them to use the bathroom.

Do what works for you. If it works for you to work on training at 18 months, go for it! It doesn't work for me. Don't feel bad if it doesn't take the first time, eventually they WILL get it. If not, they'll move out of your house as adults and can buy their own Depends.

[Kinderbloom]

You know what you might try and it works. I really did not know what to do, but then one of my friends suggested to give her a treat if she goes to the potty or toilet. So, I know what she likes so I ended up giving her one M&M each time she does it in her potty.

Now, she does go to the potty or toilet, but occasionally she might forget, but that what training is all about. You don't have to use M&M try something that she likes something she would "LOVE" to have. I hope that helps. Good Luck!

[Emily Geizer]

Tricky. This external motivation is short lived and tends to back fire. It's most desirable to instill the idea that independence and big girl underwear is the reward. It's already built in!

Emily
Child Perspective

[Petra]

My daughter showed interest at about 18 months so I bought a potty chair and just let her sit on it when I was going to the bathroom and one day, right before her second birthday, she asked for big girl underwear. So I put her in big girl underwear and got ready for a big mess. Well, after just a couple of accidents she was asking for the potty when she needed it and did this consistently for a month (even out of the house and no accidents in the car or anything). But then after that month, she just stopped doing it. I figured since she was so young anyway, I wouldn't push it and let her have Pull-ups and she would do all her poop in the potty but no pee. But I didn't pressure her AT ALL. I wanted her to do it at her own pace and figured if she wasn't doing it by 2 3/4, I would start working on it. Well, sure enough, at 2 1/2, she again asked for underwear and we have never looked back. She turns 3 next month. No accidents, and she even stays dry at night. I am a huge believer in not pushing the issue if they are not interested and waiting for their cues that they are ready. Unless you have to have your child potty trained for day care or something, let them go at their own pace.

In your case, I would buy her a potty chair and introduce it to her, but don't pressure her to sit on it. Just talk about it and show her what to do with it. She is still very young, so she might not be ready for a long time. When she starts to show more interest, you can start putting her on it more and follow her lead. I think you will know when she is ready.

Good luck and I hope that helps!