Really Trying the Mommy-and-Me Stuff....for reals this time.

[Zicea Becks]

okay. so i'm at home now. i now allowed out of the bed. cool. so i get up and make the kids breakfast and get them ready for school. pretty much the same routine as before i had the...thingy.

Mesa-13 had a dentist appointment in a few hours, which meant she was going to go to school late. so she was kinda schlumping around.

i get the kids out of the door for my husband to take them to school. they're all in the truck, and he's still upstairs looking for a certain tie. i haven't seen him wear that particular tie since before we moved back to the States....so it ain't no telling where it's at.

I rushed him off so that the kids could be on time. he was going to meet with me in a few hours anyways. more on that in a minute.


so i thought that regular SAHMs watch the news....on the TV....not via internet, right? so i tried to watch the news.

they talk too d*mn much. and all of it scared me. i had to cut the TV off. have me building bomb shelters and what not. (lol)

I was so excited because Slater-2 and I were going to another Mommy and Me class. and this is what SAHMs do , right? they spend the day playing with their kid(s).

I almost felt like wearing a strand of pearls.

I take Mesa to the dentist. she's fine. teeth straight, no cavities or yellowness. we're in business. the dentist even gave me props for not letting my kids drink sodas.

Ha! i really SHOULD'VE worn my pearls!

so i drop her off at school. at this point, i think it was Homeroom or Nutrition, because all the kids were kinda hanging out (like they had a few minutes to spare). I gave Mesa a kiss and sent her on her way....but she asked for some cash first. come to find out, she just needed change for a 20. that girl's a hustla like her mom....why spend mine, when i can spend yours???? lol.

so i had to meet up with my husband for the nut doctor....i supposedly needed to talk about the thing that happened.

so the nut doctor (which is a different chick than our marriage therapist) says that i have some sort of anxiety that i feel the need to work all of the time AND be a great mom.

i said, "yeah....i don't want to be broke. and if i'm broke, i can't feed my 6 kids and those 2 dogs....and a possible pet rabbit!"

she blinked in shock. my husband did the "that's my crazy wife" thing. I HATE when he does that. if she wants to believe i'm f*cked up, then let her believe that...don't apologize for it. I don't apologize for the fact that half the sh*t you say is incomprehensible because of your English accent!

but i didn't tell him that. i sure hate to have to make an emergency swing by the marriage counselor for making that comment. lol

so, she wants me to take my time and focus on one thing at a time...just for a while. (when she said that, i got up to leave, then she said just for a while). when i sat back down, i HAD to crack a joke, "well who is going to watch the kids????"

she goes, "you're feisty..."

"i try...sometimes i just can't get the dry humor like i want it. i've been REALLY working on that. but you know....it's a process....".

my husband dropped his head. I couldn't laugh, because i wanted to see how serious she took me.

then my husband just looked at me and i laughed. i could hold it.

so i told her that i would try being at home doing nothing but being a mom for a while.

she said that she doesn't have a problem with the fact that i work, or the amount of work i have on my plate. but she thinks that after trauma (as if i got hit in the head with a pipe) one should take a step back.

okay. my husband kisses me, and goes back to his sh*t.

i go BACK to the house and pick up my baby (the new nanny was there with her).



we head out to the class. it was suppose to be this Sports thingy.

we get there, and there are a bunch of moms with their kids. we were waiting for the class to start. we had quiet a bit of time...yay...this means i get to talk to people i don't know (wanting to snatch the mommy pearls off at this point). but i smiled.


so i'm just sitting there with Slater in my lap. a group of moms were saying how they let their sons play with girls stuff and vice versa. they don't believe in gender, or some sh*t they were saying.

personally, i won't freak out if Denim-4 started playing with his sister's dolls. i'm not going to encourage him to wear a Cinderella costume though. It's not going to be MY fault when he's 23 and getting a sex change or inviting us to his Hot Tranny Karaoke night. i'll still love him though. ...i think
could be a Babes Streisand....but he doesn't have the Jewish nose. you can't do Streisand without the nose...

anyways, i didn't join in. those topics always get people all heated behind nothing. those same moms would clutch their pearls if that same little boy was to want to take who you thought was his best friend, Mikey to the prom. they'd die. but people can do what they want to do. and i don't think wearing a dress will make your son gay....but if his wrist breaks...you know what's up. go on and stock up on some lip gloss, honey...lol.


one mom from that small clique came over to us and asked our name. I said, "this is Slater and I'm Zicea".

homechick was like, "those are INTERESTING names...what do they mean?"

Me: Mine means something about first born beautiful or something. i always forget. Slater is...i guess a person who cuts rocks for a living???

the lady laughed. and she told the other moms to come over and meet me.

they introduced themselves. they were pointing out their kids, who were all running around and playing.

there was a black mom there (but in the other clique). she glanced over once as if i stole her black thunder. she just don't know, she can have her thunder. i'm just doing this so my kid won't be a b*tch when she starts school next school year.

one white mom had an Asian little girl. she didn't look mixed, so i think she was adopted. she was a CUUUUUTTTTTTTE little girl. i could've bought her myself. (bad joke, but you know i have to go there...it was wide open).

so the class started.

the main lady running the class called roll. our last name starts with a B, so we were one of the first called.

she goes, "Sa-C-Ah and ...is it Slater????"

me: It's Slater. Mine is pronounced Za-Key-Yah

Her: oh. i see. do you have a nickname

Me: Betty!

they all laugh.

Her: i'll try to pronounce it correctly. I'm not good with names. we don't want to call you Betty.

Me: who's Betty? (they laughed)..i'm not good with names either...forgot my fake name. they laugh some more.


they were going to have them play t-ball. great (sarcastically). i never liked sports. you have to actually put in effort, and if you suck, your teammates give you salty looks.


so the first round was the kids forming teams.

the lady asked Slater to put on this smock thing (to tell the teams apart) and Slater goes, "i don't like. it's ugly!"

so i already knew what this meant. Slater was about to throw a diva fit. she's particular about her clothes. so i went over to them, and the lady running the class was like, "oh, it's okay mom."
so i backed away. Slater gave me this look like, "don't you see this is bullsh*t, mommy???!?!?"

so the lady was like, "what if we put a smiley face sticker on it? see how pretty it is now?"

Slater: It still ugly...thank you.

Me: she gets that from her father.... (y'all not gon' blame me for this. and since he's not here to defend himself, i'm gonna take advantage).

so they start playing. the soft little ball flew by her and she refused to go and get it. she just looked at it. then she started looking at her sticker. i was like, damn! i wasn't even that stubborn as a child.

then some other mother says, "maybe she's not fully developed yet". the class was for 3-4 year olds, and Slater will be 3 in a month.

i then asked her, "well which one is yours?!" she kinda turned away....black chick slightly raising her voice is the equivalent of a grizzly bear standing on it's hind legs. it wasn't the effect i was trying to get, but i wanted her to point out her child so i can talk smack on the slick about it....b*tch! my baby ain't slow...she just.... doesn't like people. (lol)

then the cute Asian girl came over to her, and she was soo good then. she started to play and stuff. but only with the Asian girl. but that was good enough for me...baby steps.


so we took a break...to socialized unstructured. where do they come up with these things???

so the black mom came over to me. i was nervous. because if she's territorial and i'm encroaching upon her sh*t, there's going to be some sh*t. if there were no children involved, i wouldn't care.

she gave a skeptical, "hi". i said his back. her name was Dana. she pointed out her kid, "the social butterfly." i said, "there's mine...the narcissistic recluse". she smiled. she asked if this was my first mommy and me thing.

i told her no and that i have been to a few before with Slater but she just doesn't like to be around a bunch of kids...which is weird because of all the kids at home.

she raised her eye brow. i told her that i have 6 all together and that my oldest is 13. the other moms in earshot bucked their eyes and jaws dropped.

they all huddled around me. at first, i thought i dropped an F-bomb on accident and they were coming to beat me.

none of these women were fat, but the first thing they asked was how come i don't look like i even had one kid. i started to f*ck with them and say i was on the Head In Toilet Diet Plan, but i save that kind of humor for my friends.

they asked if i had a live-in nanny. i told them no. she's just part time right now.

then, the worst happened. they all wanted to compare stretch marks and c-section scars! the mom of the adopted girl said, "oh. i don't have any scars. i got an instant baby." everyone just looked at her.

i said, "sometimes that's the best kind. trust me, you didn't miss anything. the best things in life come instant....oatmeal, coffee...minute rice". they all laughed.

so went i went to pull my pants low (which by the way is the first time i even did this. i don't even know if it's legal to do this, but i was going with the other SAHMs) and my stomach was...i guess you can say in tact.

they gave me this look...like they were gonna beat my a*s.

i said, "i don't have stretch marks, and I had all of my kids naturally."

one mom, "ALL 6 OF THEM??!?!?!??"

now i don't have stretch marks because i was SUPER vain when i got pregnant with Mesa. so i Cocoa Buttered my sh*t down. i mean to the point where my clothes would stick to me.

with the other pregnancies, i used other anti-stretch mark products.

even my linea nigra (the dark vertical line you get) is not that dark.

so they made me promise to email them the names of the products i used. but i don't remember. i'd have to ask Kimberly. she remembers everything.

so the black mom, Dana said that a lot of the moms hang out together since the kids do a lot of these classes together. so she suggested that we hang out too.

so as we exchanged numbers and email addresses, the other kids were trying to play with Slater, and she was NOT having it. so she came over by me and hung on to my leg. i was handing out business cards (because i don't know any numbers by heart) and that's when the women realized i was not of their kind. i wasn't just a mom who had a job where i punch in and had casual Fridays...i was the one enforcing casual fridays.

i picked Slater up. not because she was starting to cut the circulation off from my leg, but because i got scared...and needed comfort. i felt like it was a Kill Bill moment. i better say something quick.

i had been able to win them over with my humor, but my humor is spontaneous. not something i can conjure up on purpose.

then the hormones kicked in, and i blurted out, "i just had a miscarriage and my therapist says i should stay at home"...they started laughing!

they though i was bullsh*tting them!

which made me laugh! LOL.

so that was that, and Slater and I came home. she was napping at the beginning of me typing this post, but she'll be up soon now. so i'm going to try and watch daytime TV...is that what SAHMs get to do on occasion??? oh snap! doesn't Oprah come on at 3 or 4??? I never get to watch Oprah!

[Anci]

I totally know what you mean,....I was sooo skinny I always had hard time finding clothes that fit! I think I was 32 too ( european size). Now I am 4/5 kilos heavier but I'm ok with it....

[Eibhleann's Mommy]

I haven't kept up with my reading...I'm sorry to hear you've been going through a hard time. It's great that you are able to stay at home for a while, though. I'm a working mom, too, and we joined a "friendly families" group here to help Eibhleann socialize (and me, too, because I'm not very social). Yesterday I cut out of work early for lunch to take Eibhleann to a pizza-making event the group was having. The weather was bad, so there were only a few other moms there and I felt SO out of place. They seemed to look down on me from their thrones of superiority for being SAHMs. If I had a choice in the matter, I'd stay at home, too (at least for a while), but what can you do? I know not all SAHMs are like that because I have friends who are, but there definitely does seem to be a rift between SAHMs and working moms for some reason.

Eibhleann is also my first child and I'm still learning all the things I'm supposed to already know according to the SAHMs. One of the women yesterday was mortified that I hadn't put my daughter on any waiting lists for preschool, yet. She said you HAVE to put them on when they're born or they won't get in on time. How the h*ll am I supposd to know that? So, now I'm a little freaked out and have been Googling preschools and charter schools all morning. Bah, it's frustrating and I feel your pain in dealing with people who somehow think they have all the answers and you have no clue.

Have fun with Oprah today! It's all about Pastor Ted Haggarty. I only know that because I live in Colorado Springs and know several people who've been affected by what he's done.