New School Blues
Michael had the same daycare provider from 2 through 19 months old. Because she was was a close friend of mine, I never worried whether he was well cared for. Unfortunately, the 45 minute drive every morning was a drag, not to mention expensive (gas + Metro fare + parking). So I decided to put him in a day care center in my neighborhood.
It’s a great place in a lot of ways: different playgrounds for each age group, organized activities, bright and airy surroundings. I was so excited for Michael to start there because I knew he would love it…eventually.
Well, we haven’t made it to eventually yet. We’re right in the middle of now, which really sucks. I have to drop him off every morning to a place he’s unfamiliar with, with people he doesn’t know. I have to extract my clinging child from my arms and hand him, wailing, to his teacher. Last week on two occasions when I went to pick him up, I peeked in the window before I went into the classroom and he was wandering around with a perturbed expression on his face, as if he was about to start crying. It’s utterly heartbreaking.
I know this is normal. I’ve heard the stories before from friends of mine who went through the same thing, if not worse, with their kids. I know he will adjust, I know eventually he will love it. But right now it totally blows. It doesn’t matter how many reassurances I get, or how much I know that he’ll get past it. It still hurts to see your child upset because of a situation you have created. I have no way of telling him that he will still get to spend time with Auntie Sheta, because she is part of our extended family. I can’t explain to him why this had to happen.
Sometimes I can’t even convince myself that it was the right thing to do. Even though I’ll be spending less on gas, have eliminated parking fees and greatly decreased public transportation costs, tuition at the new place is still more expensive than all those things plus the tuition I paid before (family discount).
Michael is no longer part of a small group of kids of mixed ages whose birthday parties I attended, who greeted me with “Hello Michael’s mommy!” and whose parents I saw most mornings. He’s now one of whole class of unfamiliar toddlers whose parents I don’t know at all. They are all the same age as Michael, and I wonder if that’s always the best thing. I really think some of Michael’s skills were helped by being around the older kids. The parents I have seen rush in and out every morning with barely a quick hello. They don’t seem to care who we are at all.
The center is really big, with kids as young 3 months through middle school. Which is great, I suppose, because he can attend there for years to come. At the same time, you lose something with a place that big. The administration is friendly, but there is none of that warmth you get from knowing people a little better. I never really factored all these things into my decision.
Maybe things will get better over time. Michael will stop crying every morning, I’m sure. He's already stopped crying during the day. Perhaps I’ll meet some of the parents at back to school night. I’ll volunteer in class or accompany them on a trip some day. As he grows, Michael will tell me about the kids in his class. Maybe some of them will start school with him. Until then, I’ve got the new school blues.
It’s a great place in a lot of ways: different playgrounds for each age group, organized activities, bright and airy surroundings. I was so excited for Michael to start there because I knew he would love it…eventually.
Well, we haven’t made it to eventually yet. We’re right in the middle of now, which really sucks. I have to drop him off every morning to a place he’s unfamiliar with, with people he doesn’t know. I have to extract my clinging child from my arms and hand him, wailing, to his teacher. Last week on two occasions when I went to pick him up, I peeked in the window before I went into the classroom and he was wandering around with a perturbed expression on his face, as if he was about to start crying. It’s utterly heartbreaking.
I know this is normal. I’ve heard the stories before from friends of mine who went through the same thing, if not worse, with their kids. I know he will adjust, I know eventually he will love it. But right now it totally blows. It doesn’t matter how many reassurances I get, or how much I know that he’ll get past it. It still hurts to see your child upset because of a situation you have created. I have no way of telling him that he will still get to spend time with Auntie Sheta, because she is part of our extended family. I can’t explain to him why this had to happen.
Sometimes I can’t even convince myself that it was the right thing to do. Even though I’ll be spending less on gas, have eliminated parking fees and greatly decreased public transportation costs, tuition at the new place is still more expensive than all those things plus the tuition I paid before (family discount).
Michael is no longer part of a small group of kids of mixed ages whose birthday parties I attended, who greeted me with “Hello Michael’s mommy!” and whose parents I saw most mornings. He’s now one of whole class of unfamiliar toddlers whose parents I don’t know at all. They are all the same age as Michael, and I wonder if that’s always the best thing. I really think some of Michael’s skills were helped by being around the older kids. The parents I have seen rush in and out every morning with barely a quick hello. They don’t seem to care who we are at all.
The center is really big, with kids as young 3 months through middle school. Which is great, I suppose, because he can attend there for years to come. At the same time, you lose something with a place that big. The administration is friendly, but there is none of that warmth you get from knowing people a little better. I never really factored all these things into my decision.
Maybe things will get better over time. Michael will stop crying every morning, I’m sure. He's already stopped crying during the day. Perhaps I’ll meet some of the parents at back to school night. I’ll volunteer in class or accompany them on a trip some day. As he grows, Michael will tell me about the kids in his class. Maybe some of them will start school with him. Until then, I’ve got the new school blues.
Tags: anxiety, daycare, new, school, separation, transitions
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