I feel guilty
I detest being a working mom! Many kudos to all the women out there who can manage it. I have absolutely nothing ill to say about working moms or stay-at-home moms because it’s the MOM part that we all have in common and everyone has a different capacity in which they can raise their kids. There's not always a choice.
I have some self-diagnosed OCD tendencies and have always been a big fan of order, lists, planning, and just generally knowing what the heck is going on in my life on a day-to-day basis. Well, having a kid has completely thrown that all out of whack. Now I feel like I have multiple personalities or something! I still want so much to have order in my life, a clean home, and a general plan of attack each day, but it is SO much harder to maintain now. On the other hand, all I want to do is spend every waking moment with my daughter, watching her grow, teaching her, learning about her; housework be damned.
I’m sitting here at work wishing more than anything I could be at home. To this point, I’ve been lucky enough not to have to put Eibhleann in daycare (I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with it, but I just don’t want to do it…I’m stubborn). We have a retired friend watching her some days and I work from home some to be with her. My boss doesn’t like that, but he’s just a pain in the butt about it. It’s not like I need to be in an office to do my job. Everyone I have any contact with at work lives in a different state or different country than me, so why do I need to sit in a cube surrounded by a bunch of people I don’t do anything with?
Even though I do have the luxury of working from home, I wish I could just quit. I never imagined how difficult it could be to work from home and try to pay attention to the baby. If I have a conference call and she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention, she will scream her little head off and then laugh at me for dancing around trying to get her to stop. I don’t know how many times I’ve had people on the other end of the phone ask me if she was OK. If I didn’t have to be on the phone, it wouldn’t bother me. But, I’m on the phone almost all the time for work.
Even though I want to, I can't quit. I'm the bread winner in our little family. I've always been the bread winner. That's not the role I wanted, but it's the one I'm stuck with right now. I hope that changes some day.
Ah, I would love to be able to wake up with my baby girl and go for a walk in the mornings, have breakfast, read to her…I feel guilty that someone else gets to take her to the park more than I do. I feel guilty that when I get home from work there’s still dinner to cook, laundry to do, stuff to clean and I don’t get to spend the kind of quality time with Eibhleann that I really want. It makes me sad that she is learning new things on almost a daily basis now and I’m not the one to hear it or see it first.
I’m going home. I miss my baby! Does anyone else have misgivings about being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom? I'm curious to know how others deal with the role they're in. Perhaps I might see things differently based on other people's insight.
I have some self-diagnosed OCD tendencies and have always been a big fan of order, lists, planning, and just generally knowing what the heck is going on in my life on a day-to-day basis. Well, having a kid has completely thrown that all out of whack. Now I feel like I have multiple personalities or something! I still want so much to have order in my life, a clean home, and a general plan of attack each day, but it is SO much harder to maintain now. On the other hand, all I want to do is spend every waking moment with my daughter, watching her grow, teaching her, learning about her; housework be damned.
I’m sitting here at work wishing more than anything I could be at home. To this point, I’ve been lucky enough not to have to put Eibhleann in daycare (I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with it, but I just don’t want to do it…I’m stubborn). We have a retired friend watching her some days and I work from home some to be with her. My boss doesn’t like that, but he’s just a pain in the butt about it. It’s not like I need to be in an office to do my job. Everyone I have any contact with at work lives in a different state or different country than me, so why do I need to sit in a cube surrounded by a bunch of people I don’t do anything with?
Even though I do have the luxury of working from home, I wish I could just quit. I never imagined how difficult it could be to work from home and try to pay attention to the baby. If I have a conference call and she doesn’t feel like she’s getting enough attention, she will scream her little head off and then laugh at me for dancing around trying to get her to stop. I don’t know how many times I’ve had people on the other end of the phone ask me if she was OK. If I didn’t have to be on the phone, it wouldn’t bother me. But, I’m on the phone almost all the time for work.
Even though I want to, I can't quit. I'm the bread winner in our little family. I've always been the bread winner. That's not the role I wanted, but it's the one I'm stuck with right now. I hope that changes some day.
Ah, I would love to be able to wake up with my baby girl and go for a walk in the mornings, have breakfast, read to her…I feel guilty that someone else gets to take her to the park more than I do. I feel guilty that when I get home from work there’s still dinner to cook, laundry to do, stuff to clean and I don’t get to spend the kind of quality time with Eibhleann that I really want. It makes me sad that she is learning new things on almost a daily basis now and I’m not the one to hear it or see it first.
I’m going home. I miss my baby! Does anyone else have misgivings about being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom? I'm curious to know how others deal with the role they're in. Perhaps I might see things differently based on other people's insight.
Comment
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Comment by Anci on October 1, 2008 at 5:04pm -
well I have to say that I am blessed to be able to stay at home with my baby. And I have to thank my wonderful husband for that. He works his butt off so I can stay at home and have everything we need...We decided it when we got married that I 'd be staying at home with the kids. I have absolutely nothing to complain about and again thanks to my hubby. He's a great father and a wonderful husband and he tries to spend every spare moment he has, with us. I am so very proud of him, for everything he does for us and for the way he takes care of us.I don't think I could've found a better person to be and have a family with.
I am sorry that you can't be full time with your daughter. A piece of advice though....laundry, cleaning and stuff like that can wait...just spend time with your baby when you can...you'll enough have time to clean when she's off to college...
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