The Breakthrough
I know what you’re thinking loyal readers, but no, I don’t mean breakthrough as far as breastfeeding is concerned. (Though I do feel we get better at it every day—while some feeds are a total waste of time, others seem to be successful.)
Rather, baby Zach and I finally connected!
So far, being a mom has been a pretty thankless job. The family visits have been taxing (I’ve declared this week my last week of hosting—I’m now reclaiming my time), and I don’t think any of the relatives understand or appreciate how difficult and exhausting it is for me to have them over. (As things are all chillaxed when they get to my home, they don’t see all the frantic feeding, changing, pumping, changing, cleaning, washing, dressing, changing that goes into being prepared for their visits.)
The hubby has enjoyed restful, uninterrupted eight-hour sleeps, the occasional beer and regular gym sessions and basically gets to hang with his son when it’s convenient for him—in front of the TV. And as for the little devil himself, when he’s with me, it’s so busy and work-work-work that I only ever get to see him with his eyes closed on the breast or while sleeping during the day, or with his trademark grumpy face when he’s up and awake in the evenings—usually when I’m totally wasted and beat and too weak and exhausted to cope. That is, until now!
It was my first or second session of his daily morning rubdown, which I’ve recently initiated. (Since we’ve been too busy to bathe him regularly, I’ve decided to clean him every morning with a warm washcloth on the change table, followed by an oil massage and a little naked tummy time.) I was lubing him up with the oil when our eyes met and it seemed like he was looking at me—really seeing me—for the first time. And it was magical!
I already noticed he was turning to the sound of our familiar voices, but he hadn’t yet showed that his eyes were focusing, so this was such a relief. I seized the moment to make faces and coo to him and he was totally responding. We were playing! And that made me feel closer to him then all the cuddling and breastfeeding combined.
A friend wrote me this piece of advice after one particularly bad day: You will always love your baby. You may not always like them. That’s been my sentiment to date, but after this experience, I can see we may be pals yet. Thank you baby! I really needed it.
Rather, baby Zach and I finally connected!
So far, being a mom has been a pretty thankless job. The family visits have been taxing (I’ve declared this week my last week of hosting—I’m now reclaiming my time), and I don’t think any of the relatives understand or appreciate how difficult and exhausting it is for me to have them over. (As things are all chillaxed when they get to my home, they don’t see all the frantic feeding, changing, pumping, changing, cleaning, washing, dressing, changing that goes into being prepared for their visits.)
The hubby has enjoyed restful, uninterrupted eight-hour sleeps, the occasional beer and regular gym sessions and basically gets to hang with his son when it’s convenient for him—in front of the TV. And as for the little devil himself, when he’s with me, it’s so busy and work-work-work that I only ever get to see him with his eyes closed on the breast or while sleeping during the day, or with his trademark grumpy face when he’s up and awake in the evenings—usually when I’m totally wasted and beat and too weak and exhausted to cope. That is, until now!
It was my first or second session of his daily morning rubdown, which I’ve recently initiated. (Since we’ve been too busy to bathe him regularly, I’ve decided to clean him every morning with a warm washcloth on the change table, followed by an oil massage and a little naked tummy time.) I was lubing him up with the oil when our eyes met and it seemed like he was looking at me—really seeing me—for the first time. And it was magical!
I already noticed he was turning to the sound of our familiar voices, but he hadn’t yet showed that his eyes were focusing, so this was such a relief. I seized the moment to make faces and coo to him and he was totally responding. We were playing! And that made me feel closer to him then all the cuddling and breastfeeding combined.
A friend wrote me this piece of advice after one particularly bad day: You will always love your baby. You may not always like them. That’s been my sentiment to date, but after this experience, I can see we may be pals yet. Thank you baby! I really needed it.
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